We Arr the Pirates Who Can Do Anything
by mooncakewolf
Summary: Drabbles without seriousness whatsoever. ZoSan with appearances of the rest of the crew.
1. The Great Deck

**One Piece:The Great Deck**

It was all Usopp's fault.

The sea was calm and the Going Sunny was peacefully drifting along, so the sharpshooter was keeping their rubber captain, Luffy, entertained while Sanji made lunch. He'd decided truth or dare would be fun, a childhood game Luffy didn't seem to know, but he had enjoyed with his little trio of kid pirates back in the day. Of course, Luffy being Luffy was only interested in the dares. Knowing their captain was pretty much fearless…or just stupid sometimes, he thought extra hard to come up with some fun ones.

After Luffy dared him to eat a mushroom (terrifying), which he had to try to sneak out of Sanji's kitchen (far more terrifying), he was ready to get even. Stealing said cook's food after agreeing to keep their hungry captain entertained was definitely not a welcome move, and he still had the bruises from Sanji's hard-as-hell kicks to prove it.

"I dare you…to deck… Zoro," Usopp grinned. This would be epic. Of all the crew, the ladies were clearly off limits, Brook and Franky probably honestly wouldn't care or would just laugh it off, Chopper just…no, and Sanji for two reasons. First, he usually wore a belt so that would be too tricky, and secondly he wasn't THAT mad at Luffy.

"We're on the deck," Luffy blinked. Usopp stared at him for a few minutes.

"No, deck him. Like, run up to him and pull down his pants," Usopp elaborated for him.

"Why would I want to pull down his pants?"

"Trust me, it's a joke. It's funny," Usopp didn't add that it would probably be the last thing Luffy did.

"Zoro's underpants are funny?"

"No. Just- I dare you. Come on, are you chicken?" he teased their captain.

"Never!" Luffy started sneaking up on Zoro, surprisingly well considering how stealth wasn't one of his main attributes.

Sanji had took a moment from lunch preparation to take a smoke break, so naturally, Zoro decided to harass their cook after having a long nap and feeling particularly bored on such a nice day. Sometimes a pirate's life was exciting. On days such as these, they got into mischief when there was little else to do. The two were snapping insults at each other when Luffy reached range to stretch his long rubbery arms towards the unsuspecting swordsman. Raising one finger to his lips he motioned a 'keep quiet' signal to Sanji over Zoro's back. The cook paused. Stared. A clear 'what the fuck' expression on his face. Usopp glanced around quickly. The rest of his crewmates were strewn lounging about, the girls for instance sunbathing with books in hand, Brook playing a low melody while Chopper sleepily rested against him. Franky was drinking a cola. But now, they all were looking with mildly curious eyes towards a scene which was sure to unfold.

"What are you staring at me like that for?" Zoro glared at the cook momentarily before realizing he wasn't actually looking at him, and swiveled.

Luffy, seeing this was his moment to act before Zoro knew well enough to stay out of reach, whipped the swordman's pants down right as he turned.

Of course he'd chosen today to go commando.

Nami screamed, Robin hid her face with her book (though Usopp was pretty sure he saw her laughing quietly), Brook quickly covered Chopper's eyes (unfortunately he couldn't close his own…yohoho skull joke), and Franky did a spit take.

Blood sprayed from Sanji's nose. Luffy himself burst out into cackling laughter as he took off running, while Zoro face-planted trying to run after him. Before pulling his pants up. Usopp decided now would be a very good time to hide before they figured out exactly whose idea this was.


	2. Sea Dogs

"LUFFY, WHY IS THE SHIP FULL OF DOGS?" The occupants of the Thousand Sunny emerged from various parts of the ship to see an enraged Nami pointing at their Captain, who indeed was currently surrounded by a large group of dogs. "We do NOT have room for NINE dogs!"

Luffy pouted, "But Namiiiiii, this island is full of stray dogs. We need a ship pet, but it wouldn't be fair to only have one. So I got one for everyone." Captain logic, right there. He promptly began to introduce the canine pack.

"Those two," he pointed a finger at a long-legged tricolor Borzoi and cream Irish Wolfhound that were howling their heads off, somewhat in tune, not really, "are Franky and Brook."

 _Oh no…._ Nami groaned. _They had names._ _ **And**_ _they were named after their crewmates._

"Then, there's Usopp, Robin, and Chopper." He swiveled towards a Basenji that was making lots of odd yodeling sounds that clashed with the two howling dogs, but sounded more like talking. A solid black Saluki was keeping an eye on the Basenji, while peering around with mild interest. The tan and white Corgi; however, had his full attention focused on the yodeler.

"Is there any way to make them less **noisy**?" Zoro called from across the ship, where he had been snoring peacefully. Of course he had slept through the racket so far…

"Meh, they're just talking. That one's yours," Luffy addressed Nami, pointing to a ginger Shiba Inu, who was barking angrily at another pair of dogs, who were currently growling and wrestling across the deck. "Quieter than you though," he added thoughtfully. Nami bopped him on the head. Still, the Shiba was kinda cute…

"And those two hooligans?" she asked, though she was pretty sure she knew the answer already.

"The fluffy one is Sanji and the other is Zoro," he affirmed her mental guess. A white collie with a couple light brown patches on his face had stopped at the Shiba's barking, though the brindle German Shepherd was looking rather sulky at this fact.

"Wait…where's yours," Nami had counted eight.

"Oh…" Luffy peered around before rushing off towards a black Golden Retriever yelling, "Hey, that's my spot!" The canine in question had meandered off and was currently sitting on the lion's head of the ship, though he stood abruptly, tail wagging as Luffy approached.

"We **don't** have room for all these dogs!" Nami yelled, repeating herself from earlier.

"Ehhh, technically there's enough space on the ship," Franky gave her a sideways glance, scratching the Borzoi's head with his robot hand, which had stopped howling and was now panting with a lopsided dog-grin.

"They are quite beautiful and intelligent animals," Robin said thoughtfully, gazing wistfully at the Saluki. Damn it, her crewmates were ganging up against her! She looked hopefully towards the most stubborn of their group for help.

"I'd cook for them Nami-swaaan," Sanji beamed at her, "It would be no trouble at all feeding them at low cost if I fiddled with our daily meals." Extra damn it. The Collie promptly strode over to Sanji and rubbed against his legs imperiously. The German Shepherd snorted and gently tugged the Collie's tail in his mouth.

"We'd have to change their names though," Zoro looked pointedly at Sanji, "Like Curly-brow."

"Marimo," Sanji muttered without missing a beat. The German Shepherd looked at Sanji. Then rose on his hind legs, forelegs stiff, and shoved the cook overboard. Zoro looked like he was dying laughing and even Nami couldn't help a giggle at Sanji's sputtering and squalling while the Collie angrily chased the German Shepherd about the ship, barking angrily.

"So…we can keep them?" Chopper patted at Nami's leg, looking hopefully up at her with puppy dog eyes. It didn't help when the little Corgi joined, sitting and wagging its stub tail.

"Fine…" she sighed. Looks like she was overruled.

"Yohohoho, more crew mates!" Brook sang happily.

"I guess they won't be so bad after all," Nami fondly looked at her crewmates, interacting with their new canine pals. A soft head nuzzled against her hand, and she looked down, petting the Shiba that had settled herself quietly by her side. "Mikan," she decided.

In the end, the Thousand Sunny gained nine new crew members consisting of Nami's Mikan, Brook's Bones, Zoro's Inu (occasionally nicknamed Shithead2 by Sanji and screw him for naming a dog- dog), Bleu (Zoro teases Sanji, questioning why the fuck would he call a white and yellow dog Blue, why not Piss, to which Sanji kicked Zoro in the head), Franky's Cola, Usopp's Sogeki, Chopper's Candy, Robin's Fleur, and Luffy's Roger.


End file.
